Stress Level 43745692

So much stress, just need Hell Week to come so that it can be over. Because it's going to be hell. Which is why I named it Hell Week, obviously. Anyway, to counteract the bad vibes I'm just gonna list good things. Because good things make you happy.

o children by nick cave. it's the song from hp7 pt 1 that harry and hermione dance to, it's awesome.
flowers
the minneapolis institute of art
art in general
old things
garage sales
finding good stuff at garage sales
trips
bonfires
inside jokes
road trips
day trips
duluth
lake superior
we're all getting our licenses
freedom
independence
twitter
gardens
apple orchards
strawberry fields
the beatles
good music
classical music
pianos
lebanon
receiving text messages
retweets
not doing anything but miraculously managing to look good
having nothing to do. nothing.
softball games
hot dogs
passing grades
when things are easy
mamma mia
islands
adventures
exploring
forests
creeks
taking off your shoes and wading
canoeing
harry potter
happiness
being tan
summer
sunsets
bouquets
new music on your ipod
chocolate
ice cream cones
boating
tubing
newly painted nails
perfectly tuned pianos
gaining a twitter follower
comfortable clothes that still look good
nighttime
startripping
stargazing
summer nights
drive-ins, even though i've never been to one, i want to
diners
when movies that you like are miraculously on tv
children
being a child
being a teenager
shorts
not being self conscious
friends
lots of friends
friend groups
people
people that you like that like you aka FRIENDS
doing something because you like it, not because you feel like you have to
reaching your goals!
not thinking about the future because its scary
laying on the trampoline
comtemplating life in the shower
jewelry
the beach
when you're self confident (doesnt happen often but the times that it does are good)
when the first clothes that you try on fit
travelling alone
being able to do things





imma go contemplate life in the shower now. maybe paint my nails too, if there's time.

i suck at everything

things i suck at:
1. school because everything used to be easy for me but now that i actually have to try i have zero motivation and so my grades are bad
2. english because that was the one subject i was supposed to be good at but the grades on the essays that we got back were mediocre which was really frustrating because usually i get the best grades on english stuff because thats the one thing im good at but lots of people got better scores than me even though i worked really hard so yeah apparently i suck.
3. band because all i ever play is the frickin piano part.
4. piano because our piano at home doesnt work so i never practice at home so i have to practice at school but i dont always get a chance and so i get worse and i've been playing my recital piece since last june and it's still not good. meaning, i suck
5. chemistry because it's horrible and i hate it and i just don't even want to try anymore but i have an f and so i have to but i dont understand anything and i hate coming in early which i have to do every day
6. softball because apparently i have a sidearm so i have to completely relearn how to throw pretty much which affects everything i do in practice causing me to suck.
7. math because i hate it and dont want to try
8. french because it's easy and yet for some reason i still have a b, obviously because i suck.
9. memorizing the capitals of all the countries in the world because i keep practicing and i still dont get the ones ive practiced over and over.
10. everything because i literally get home and climb into bed and stay there all night
11. being prepared for softball because i never am
12. reading because i cant concentrate
13. homework because i cant concentrate
14. everything because i cant concentrate and my mind always wanders, specifically to Will. it's an issue.

things i'm good at:
1. making pizza








conclusion: ditch everything, work at pizzaioli the rest of my life.



yup.

titles are not my forte

so no one really goes on here anymore, which i think is good, because then i can say more stuff and not worry about people reading it or worry about what theyll think. because lately ive been refraining from saying a lot of things based on who i think might be reading this. but im just gonna tell myself that no one reads it and write whatever i want.

except for the fact that i dont really have anything to say. that i feel like posting on the internet.

okay im lying to myself there are probably people reading this that shouldnt be.

*proceeds to mentally argue with self*

ive been arguing with myself a lot lately. sometimes out loud. i make myself laugh, okay? people talk to themselves, right? they do that.
when you have no one to talk to, you have to talk to whoever's around. if it happens to be yourself, whatever. dont judge me.

shahs gonna make me work on friday and im gonna cry cuz on friday is annies bonfire and if i cant go im gonna be super mad. i told him i can only work til 7 and her bonfire starts at seven so if i just have to go a little late it should be good. stupid shah. he hasnt texted me back yet though, so i still dont know what the deal is. thanks for that.

i wanted to have a bonfire. oh well. i'll have one when school ends.

what happened to 80 degree weather? why's it all of a sudden like 30 and 40 again? ergh. minnesota. you irritate me.

will's taking forever to respond. RESPOND.

he didnt respond. oh well. i'll just waste more of my life talking to the empty void of the internet. awesomesauce. who needs other people anyway.

i should count the number of times i've said oh well in my lifetime oh look he replied!

meaghan is gonna make b-rad cry. it's not gonna be a pretty picture. DONT DO IT MEAGHAN.

today i was looking up one of my piano songs on youtube in my room so i could know how to play it, and all of a sudden like half an hour later i woke up and i was using my laptop as a pillow and i was like whattttt...why is the light on....is it morning alreadyy...? and then OH NO im gonna be late so i jump out of bed and start pulling my clothes off and then realize....clothes. oh. why am i wearing clothes? wait. i wore these clothes yesterday. wait. what did i do last night? i dont remember going to bed. oh. it must still be night. OH NO i missed piano. wait. no. it's only five-thirty. okay. it's all good. phew.

yup. thats what happened. it was a strange experience. it's been happening increasingly a lot. i just fall asleep randomly and not know where i am for awhile. this was the worst though, i actually got up and started getting dressed. IM LOSING IT. summer. come faster. please. i dont want to take these effing ap tests. i dont have time to study for them. i dont have time for anything i dont even have time to breathe AGH my life is so stressful spring break needs to be here. now. and i need to not work. it needs to be an entire week of nothing. except thats not gonna happen.

i think im out of things to say. im such an interesting person.


i just dont know anymore. im too busy to be interesting. now im just boring. ;ldsfj;lsdfj;adskf;asdkfj;adslkfj;ldsfj;j;ldkfjawoeirja;kfj STRESS

things i love

spring
summer
vampire weekend
loud music
mgmt
traveling
no homework
playing softball
thunderstorms
just chillin outside
trampolines
star tripping
freedom
my room
food
french
sunshine
melting snow
warm breezes
warm nights
bonfires
parties
my friends
nights out
walking around chan
warmth
being by myself
people
our school
band
marching band
pep band
spat camp
summer
the last day of school
the smell of shaving cream
going outside for lunch
shorts
tshirts
not having to do anything with myself
cloud cult
whiteboards
the sky
airports
security at airports
garage sales
finding things
new clothes that aren't really new
driving
driving with the windows down
sunglasses
flip flops
converse
lava lamps
anticipation
understanding things
english class
lip gloss
flowers
lilies of the valley
singing
knowing the words to songs so i can sing them
my hair
nutella
queen (the band)
sundays at caribou
days when i dont have to work
spring break
everything.

harry potter 5

cho! what's going on?
it's professor trelawney..
sixteen years i've lived and taught here. hogwarts is my home! you can't do this!
actually i can. something you'd like to say dear?
oh there are several things i would like to say!
professor mcgonagall, might i ask you to escort sybll back inside.
professor dumbledore, need i remind you that under educational decree number twenty-three
you have the right to dismiss my teachers. you do not, however, have the right to banish them from the grounds.
for now.
don't you all have studying to do?!

this is mad! who'd want to be taught be me, im a nutter remember?
look on the bright side, cant be any worse than old toadface.
thanks ron.
i'm here for you mate.
lovely spot.
um, hi. so, you all know why we're here. we need a teacher. a proper teacher. one who's had real experience defending themselves against the dark arts.
why?
why? cuz you-know-who's back, ya tosspot.
so he says.
so dumbledore says.
so dumbledore says because he says. the point is, wheres the proof?
if potter could tell us more about how diggory got killed...
im not gonna talk about cedric, so if thats why you're here you might as well clear out now. come on hermione, they're just here because they think im some kind of freak.
wait...
is it true you can produce a patronus charm?
yes. i've seen it.
blimey harry, i didnt know you could do that.
and he killed a basilisk! with the sword in dumbledores office.
its true.
and in third year he fought off about a hundred demontors at once
and last year he really did fight off you-know-who in the flesh.
wait! look, it all sounds great when you say it like that but the truth is, most of that was just luck. i didn't know what i was doing half the time and i nearly always had help.
he's just being modest.
no, hermione, i'm not.
facing this stuff in real life is not like school. in school if you make a mistake you can just try again tomorrow. but out there, when you're a scond away from being murdered, or watching a friend die right before your eyes... you dont know what its like.
youre right harry. we dont. thats why we need your help. because if we're going to have any chance of beating...voldemort.
he's really back..


you've done it neville! you found the room of requirement!

you will please copy the approved text four times to ensure maximum retention. there will be no need to talk.

stunning is one of the most useful spells in your arsenal. it's sort of a wizard's bread and butter really.

im done here.

sorry im so lame

please continue to not comment on any of my posts. that makes me really happy. it definitely doesnt make me feel like the internet is a bottomless void into which my carefully selected words are being thrown, never to be seen again.

so please continue.

please.






how do you solve a problem like maria? how do you catch a cloud and pin it down? something something....how do you hold a moonbeam in your hands?



lolololol when i was typing maria i accidentally said mario. how do you solve a problem like mario? hire luigi to kill him. i can do that, since im luigi. sucks to suck mario.

my fingers are really cold on account of the cold shower i was just forced to take. it's hard to type with cold fingers. it's hard to do anything with cold fingers, really, which you would know if you had The Curse Of The Cold Fingers like I do. The Curse Of The Cold Fingers is a dangerous spell that was cast upon me when I was a very small child, maybe even right when I was born, by an evil ice witch. The witch wanted everyone to experience the cold that she felt every day in her heart, so she went around casting ice spells on all the babies in the land. (by 'the land', i mean crystal, the town where i was born. that's why it's called crystal, after ice crystal, in honor of the queen (she's a witch queen...thing...yeah i dont know).) anyway, one night in the dead of winter of my first year of living, when i was only six or seven months old, she crept into my room and up to my crib. now, it just so happened that my little infant self was having a wonderful dream at that moment, one about a magical light that made you warm all the time so you never had to be cold. in truth, this was more than a dream, because this magical light of warmth was real, and it wandered around infants' dreams in an attempt to stop the ice queen witch evil lady. the witch leaned over my crib and breathed her magical icy breath onto me, hoping to make me cold forever. but the power of the dream was enough to diminish the spell to nothing more than a cool breeze. this made the witch angry. she had never been thwarted before, and she wondered how a helpless infant could have resisted her magic. she breathed again, this time blowing harder and harder until she froze the very air itself, and the crib and the quilt surrounding me, forming ice crystals everywhere. still i stayed mostly warm and free of ice, though i shivered a little. the power of the magical light was weakening as the queen strengthened her spell. it shone brighter in a further attempt to keep me safe. after a few futile minutes the queen saw that she must give up, but in her last efforts she was more powerful than ever before, concentrating on the weakest parts of my tiny body. the light shone throughout every inch of me, struggling, weakening, but it could not reach the furthest part of my body, my fingers. the queen saw this vulnerability, and blew even harder on my small fingers, until eventually her breath ran out and she slunk from the room, cackling at the small victory, ready to move on to the next child.

So, although the queen's full magic wasn't able to reach me, i was still left with some of the effects of the spell. i am not alone; the magical light managed to help a few other babies, and the babies' fingers continue to be the achilles heel. because of the witch, our fingers are doomed to be cold and unable to function for our entire lives. together, we suffer the eternal effects of The Curse Of The Cold Fingers.



where did that even come from. i totally didn't plan to write that. it just came out. i'm so effing weird like what i dont even

where did that come from

If You Run Out of Things To Do On the Internet (and other things)

Because as magic as it is, for some reason we always manage to run out of things to do on the internet. So if you find yourself left with no more websites to check or things to tweet or videos to watch, do some of these. Because you can.

Look up the song "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds or "A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird. It might interest you to know that both were presented to me by Ms. Etnier. And I love them both.

Watch JennaMarbles videos. They're surprisingly hilarious.

Creep on people's houses on GoogleMaps. Do it. It's fun. Walk from your house to like, New York. Because you have no life and nothing better to do.

Venture into 'the weird part of youtube'. It gets sketchy up in there.

Watch AVPM and AVPS. Again. Because they're amazing, and you forgot how amazing they are.

Re-memorize the videos you used to have memorized word-for-word.

Download some new music.

Listen to an entire ballet. No one's going to do this. I'd do this. I do this on a regular basis actually.

Creep on people. This is always an option.


Okay I'm out of ideas. What should I write about now?

I didn't fail yesterday! You have no idea how happy that actually makes me. Like I didn't even realize it would be this big of a deal but I'm still super happy about it and it's been over twenty-four hours. This is record-breaking. Plus I feel different now. Okay you guys don't wanna read this. Lemme find something entertaining to write about. Like I always do.

Here are some things for you to do because you're bored. I know you're bored because why else would you be reading this? And don't worry, these aren't dumb things that require getting up and doing something. Well, they might be dumb. But at least you can stay where you are and continue to be lazy.

Try to imagine exactly where you'll be in ten years. Like, exactly ten years from now what will you be doing? Figure it out. You can even write it down, and if you can manage to save it, read it ten years from now and see how far off you were. But that might require getting up from your spot.

Try to figure out exactly where you were ten years ago. You were five or six. It was March. Chances are you were either at school or asleep or something. Actually, it was kindergarten, so you have a whole half of a day that you could have been doing something interesting. Plus, maybe it was a weekend ten years ago, so you have to consider that too. Figure it out. You can do it. Or you won't figure it out cuz you don't care that much. See how I can anticipate your answers? I'm clever. Or I hang out with you guys too much.

Mentally sort your friends into groups based on the places you hang out with them (i.e. band friends, quiz bowl friends, 3rd hour friends, etc).

Try to divide 1875 by 25 in your head. Because in your free time you divide large numbers mentally.

Figure out how many days/hours/minutes/seconds you've been alive.

Look up clothes from different time periods.

Learn something new, like Greek gods or painters. Then you'll know them for quiz bowl and knowledge bowl, or, in Jennifer's case, you'll just know them.

Memorize a seemingly useless list. You'll 1. feel accomplished 2. be able to annoy people by reciting it on command (or not on command, since chances are no one will command you) and 3. maybe have to use it sometime in your life like in quiz bowl or on Jeopardy or if some random man comes up to you on the street and says 'If you can name all the islands in the Pacific Ocean in alphabetical order, I'll give you $100 right now' and then you'll be glad you did it. 

Go through the old folders on your computer and read all the stuff you wrote multiple years ago. Laugh at your past selves' stupidity. Or be impressed, depending.

Okay imma go watch episode 12 of season 4 of Lost now. Adios.

lost

im waiting for lost to load so i'm posting on here, because i haven't been on here in a long time. but the reason i haven't been on here in so long is because every time i'm about to post something, i have nothing to say. or at least, nothing i can say on the internet. i used to be able to say whatever on here cuz there were only two people who read it but now...who knows who reads it. it cant be like my online journal anymore. what a downer.

so im using the computer that jennifer gave me and i gotta say i really like this keyboard. its super easy to type on.

okay i realize that will might read this but whatevs, cuz if i cant say what i want on here then theres no point in having it, and anyway i was creepin on his tumblr, cuz im a creep, and i dont understand tumblr so i was like 'lets creep and try to figure it out' and then one day he said 'im so happy like seriously guys you have no idea' and it was on december eighth and thats the day after he asked me out and hmmm. connection? perhaps. hopefully. anyway. im done being annoying now i swear.


KNOWLEDGE BOWL.

subregionals, yayy! theyre on tuesday. im excited. my team is me, mike, erik raymakers and b-rad. yeah i call him b- rad now. and b-randon, and saRa. it's kinda becoming natural now. like dale, who i forget is actually named matt. anyway, we better make it to regionals. im gonna be sad if we dont. actually im surprised me even made it to subregionals because in that tournament we didnt even place.
man, knowledge bowl wins so much more than speech. we win all the dang time. they should announce it more often, and make a big deal out of it like they like to do with speech.


i just found out that charlie's gonna die. like, i already knew he was gonna die, but apparently desmond knows hes gonna die and he keeps saving him but 'the universe has a way of course-correcting' so eventually he's not gonna be able to save him. A;LSDKJF;ASDHF;ASDFJ; im gonna cry. seriously. why does charlie have to die? there are so many random characters that dont matter and arent as cool as charlie. they can die. we dont care about them.

if sawyer dies im gonna kill someone. sawyer is the best character on the show. i like claire a lot too but no one beats sawyer. especially with his down south accent and his sarcastic humor and his i-hate-everything AGH if he dies im done watching the show i swear.


well, probably not.

i actually hate the word whatevs. i use it all the time though. same with defs and maybs and probs. and totes. i used to just say it as a joke, to make fun of the people who actually said it, but now theyre just part of my normal vocabulary. thats embarrassing.

chad got a twitter. apparently he's had one for like a month but he just followed me today. whats the deal. anyway, i think he likes mailee which is hilarious but also super creepy because shes in eighth grade and he's a junior, and she's really dumb like she's a typical dumb blonde and she even has that annoying dumb blonde voice that jennifer likes to use when she imitates me being delirious even though thats not what i sound like.


well i think lost has loaded now, so imma go. adios.

WILL IS COOL

If I Didn't Have Responsibilities

Yesterday at work I got this magic little thing called a W2 form. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it looks kind of intense and adult-ish, and made me realize all the adult things that I do, and how annoying they are and how I'm not excited to grow up. The older I get, the more I have to, and the more my actions affect my life, and I'm really just not okay with it.

I'd rather be sitting in the basement with a blanket and a fire in the fireplace, eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate with the light by the window on and the blinds closed, watching John Wayne or Harry Potter with my mom and sister.

I'd rather be at Caribou, drinking coffee and not having to worry about studying, or how much time is left until I have to go to work and struggling to cram all of my homework in and ending up doing a half-ass job on it all because I don't have the time or the motivation to do it.

I wish I had a good piano, or at least one that halfway works, so I could be playing it right now, and actually learning how to play the piece that I was supposed to have learned two weeks ago.

I'd rather be in Senegal where it's warm and foreign and I can sit at the table and eat Lebanese food and talk to my grandma, or go to the beach with my cousins or visit my aunts and uncles or walk around the streets or through the market. Or, at nighttime, sit on the balcony and watch the street below.

I wish it was summer so I could go places on a whim and not return until after dark, and turn sixteen and get my license and go on adventures, and be at spat camp and go to Senegal and have marching band and the Fourth of July and go camping and have no stress.

Except. Summer still has stress. Because we have summer projects, and I still have to work almost every day.

Summer projects are terrible. We need a break. You can't expect us to have assignments year-round. It doesn't help us, it only hurts us. Summer is supposed to be the time when we have no obligations or anything, and we don't have to worry about things being due, and time doesn't matter and it all runs together and we don't know what day it is and it's warm and we can go to the beach and we don't have to do anything. But the older we get, the less true that is. ALDKFJ;LASKGH;KAJSDHF;ASKLDFH;ALSKDF;LASDHF;ASKDF You have no idea how much I just want to be a kid again. Or to stay a teenager forever. I don't want to grow up. I really don't. The freedoms that come with being an adult aren't worth the responsibilities that also come with it.

I want to be at a Quiz Bowl tournament, with a really long bus ride so we can play Authors and have heated arguments or random conversations and listen to classical music, and then get there and do really well and then go somewhere and eat lunch and then compete more and then have another really long bus ride where we're too tired to play games so we just sit and talk and bond with our Quiz Bowl people and then after we can go to someone's house and watch Disney movies and eat junk food and I don't have to go to work after so we can spend a lot of time there, and then I can go home and watch more Disney movies and it snows a lot and it's just perfectly awesome.

I want to go to pep band and play awesome songs and hang out with people and drink Pep Band Gatorade and play more awesome songs and have an orchestra room bonding sesh after.

I want to have a goldeneye party in a dark basement with lots of food and gossip and awesomeness.

I want it to be warm out so I can go on more walks with Will and not have freezing fingers.

I want to be able to read books that I choose and actually have time to read them.

I want it to be summer or spring so I can go on a road trip and stop at a rest stop and stretch my legs and it's not too hot and there's a warm breeze and then we stop and get fast food and the car is a mess and we listen to music and then go camping and sit around a campfire and sleep in the tent and fall asleep to other people talking in low voices at their campsites and wake up and unzip the tent and it makes that unzipping sound that reminds me of camping and everything is wet with dew and it's actually kind of nasty but once you go to the bathrooms and wash up you feel better and you eat breakfast and continue your camping adventure.

I want it to be March so it will snow buckets. Like three or four feet of snow, and we can have a snow day and just chill all day, and maybe finish the homework that we procrastinated on and had resigned to turning in late, and go outside and shovel the driveway and go sledding and make snow forts and get snow down my jacket and come inside with numb red cheeks, covered in snow, and peel off the many layers of clothing and make popcorn and play a board game or something.

I want to explore the woods near Meaghan's house again, and go to the stream and make a dam and climb that giant steep hill that has the mysterious wire and make a zipline across the stream and just chill back there because it's awesome.

I want to play softball in the summer, where I don't have to wear gloves when I go up to bat, and where my glove smells like leather and dirt and we have tournaments all day and eat hot dogs from the concession stand for lunch and we actually win games and the people on my team don't suck and it smells like sunscreen and sweat and Gatorade and it's hot outside and then we finish the tournament and go to Culver's and then I go home around six or seven and maybe jump in the sprinkler, or run to Lake Ann, or go to Kaden's and swim in the pool and hang out with my neighbors and play night games and sit in the middle of the street at night and have bonfires.

This weather is depressing.

A Lesson in Blogging

So I decided to flip through the blogs, and I realized that usually people post about a specific event or thought or idea, as opposed to just rambling on forever. Okay shut up I know you're sitting there like 'DUH.' but I think that's what I used to do, I just got carried away and never had anything to say so I just said whatever came to my mind.

Today I'll find something specific to write about.

....an idea will come soon....





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This is why you guys are the only ones that read this blog SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN I just ramble because I never actually have anything real to say. Or when I do have real things to say, I don't feel like writing them down.


Still waiting for an idea.


I just want it to be July. I want to go to Senegal soo badly, for so many reasons. First of all, I want to visit my family because I actually miss them sooo much. Also I like Senegal, because it's so different from here and it's just different and awesome and I love it. Also, I need a break from school and work and my family and stress and it's just gonna be a whole month of complete vacation just for myself for the first time and I need it. That's another thing. I'm really excited about the fact that I'm traveling to a foreign country all by myself, not with my family or a group or anything, just me, having to navigate through airports and foreign languages and customs and whatnot all by myself, and it's gonna be like a test to see if I can do it, which I can, and I'm excited. Traveling is a fun time. Not just the destination, but traveling itself. I love it so much. Aghhh now I keep thinking about it and I'm super excited and I want to see my grandma and go to the ocean and walk around in Dakar and see everybody and fly on a plane and aghhhhhh I want to go soooooo baddddd. Only a little over 5 months! That's not even that long! I can do that!

In Senegal you can't drive until you're 18. But I'll have my American license. That'll be slightly frustrating. Oh well, I'll probably drive anyway. Actually just kidding I definitely won't because the roads are completely different there and I feel like I won't be aggressive or experienced enough to be able to drive.

I should stop talking about this because I'm getting extremely excited and frustrated that I can't go there right now at this moment. It's gonna be one whole month of pure Lebanese awesomeness. And the best part is, you'll get to hear about it because I'm gonna blog about it! Yay for you guys.

I think I'm gonna buy a laptop. Once I get my ticket. They're not really that expensive and I don't need a really nice one and I can just get a used one. Or I can ask for one for my birthday. I just want one for when I go to Senegal because the keyboards there are different and the only computer at my grandma's is kinda crappy and so what would I do without the lovely internet for a month?

It's 10:30 and I still gotta take a shower and the song I was listening to just ended so it seems like a good time to stop. Plus we have finals tomorrow which I'm not excited for.

Adios.


I should learn how to say bye and more languages so I can have some variation.

Au revoir.

I'M TRYING. I PROMISE. I'M TRYING.

Okay that's only a little bit a lie. I am trying, just not very hard. I can't think of ANYTHING to write for this English paper and I'm going insane. I'm going to be up so late. I can't think of anythinggg. I'm going to die. Seriously I'm just gonna lie down on the floor and cease to be alive.

I realized, blogger is just twitter for the less eloquent people, who can't fit their ideas into 140 characters and have to ramble for a billion years to get their messages across. Except sometimes I don't have a message, I just like to ramble.

I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.

You couldn't tell, but each of those had emphasis on a different word.

You just went through and reread that, putting emphasis on a different word each time.

Actually probably you didn't, but that's what I would do.

I just wanna watch Lost. I blame Will for this addiction. Watching Lost is all I ever want to do. Fat Thursday is soon and I'm supposed to make a two-layer cake but I'm not gonna have time. I still have to do my chemistry pre-lab, and it's 8:40. And write my paper.

This is what I mean. I know that I should try harder on my homework because I'm gonna be up really late hating myself later, but I'm still not starting it. Know why? Cuz I'm stupid. That's the only reasonable explanation that I can think of.

I was gonna cut my hair over the weekend, but then I realized that I don't have enough hair to cut. Maybe the top layers. Idk. I'll just not cut it.

My palms are warm but my fingers are freezing cold and can barely function. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. My hands are always cold. All the time. I hate it. I can't do anything with cold hands. Especially texting. I literally txt in slow motion because my fingers physically will not go faster. It's strange.

asdfkljsdo;awidhf;oasidho;asidhf;o;OAWEDF;AIWRGT;AIERGT;IAERHGT;AUIERHGTL;IUAERHGTIUAHWERGTUIHAWERI;THUAAERIWI;EI;WERUAIERUAEIL
I am so beyond frustrated. I need to start my paper. NOW.

There is no racism in America! I mean there is, but to be perfectly honest I don't care enough about it to think that hard. There's racism, but it's not a problem. Our president is black! How are you gonna top that? Seriously like okay yeah a lot of people are automatically judged differently because they are colored than a white person would be, but the opposite is true in any other country that is mostly colored. It's a fact of life. I'm not trying to defend America. It's just true. As little as race actually matters, it still is a factor in society, even though it shouldn't be. How are we gonna solve that? I have no frickin idea. And I don't want to think about it. I just want to watch Lost.
things i like:
cake
lost
people
strawberry ice cream
summer
the ocean
diners
star wars
disney
the fifties
stephen king
pan am
traveling
having money
not having anything to procrastinate on
when people retweet my tweets
being me
having warm hands
pianos
going to minneapolis
lebanese food
talking on the phone
your mom





idk.

things i dont like:
wanting to hang up but whoever it is (most likely a parent) won't stop talking so you're like 'yes. yes. okay. yes. okay. uh-huh. BYE.'
ap chemistry
labs
doing work
not sitting
fifty degree weather in january in minnesota
the fact that it's january
when my hands are cold
not owning those cool mittens where the thumbs come off so you can text.
not owning an iphone so i cant have cool speech bubbles when i text.
being ocd about how many bars are on my phone
when the door is not closed
not owning a car
not having a license
the fact that i have to go to college
YOUR MOM

things i like, again:
my moms flower garden
sun
full moons
singing disney songs
movie marathons
mario
goldeneye parties
food

things i dont like:
lying
that fact that i am lazy
the fact that i have no motivation whatsoever
the fact that i actually have to try in school
annoying people
not knowing things
valentines day
obligations
people telling me what to do
people yelling at me
people expecting things from me
people talking to me (at certain times) (like now)
being in my room or the office and my siblings come in and decide theyre gonna hang out with me when really i just want to be by myself
sending a text and realizing theres a typo and its too late to fix it
our government and its stupidness
american society
the fact that i cant speak arabic and all of my cousins and everybody in my family can and im just the stupid american one that just speaks english and is always left out because i barely even speak french and it takes me forever to figure out what theyre saying and i'm way younger than all my cousins so i'm just the child and just basically yeah
when people dont take me seriously
being interrupted
subconciously succumbing to the complete neglect of grammar that our society has assumed
the fact that i still havent started my essay
when my phone 'stores' messages and i get them an hour later so people think i just decided not to text them back
when im thirsty but too lazy to get water
the fact that i cant go to communion in church because i never had a first communion so i just have to stay in the pew and then when everybody gets back from communion they have to awkwardly scoot past me and i have to awkwardly bend my knees and yeah

things i like:
reading rainbow theme song
arthur theme song
things that remind me of childhood
picture books
when you open a picture book and it smells really good you know what im talking about?
really old books
having a job
being a teenager
music
my grandma
my grandmas house
being lebanese
making lists
easter
when i know the words to the songs in church without having to read from the books
going to caribou
the fact that french comes easily to me
classical music
baking
being a girl
new piano music
playing a piano that is not my own
my cousins
when i have a lot of things to fill up my calendar because i dont like when its empty
hot showers at the end of the day (or sometimes the middle of the night)
exploring in the woods
having a stack of books next to my bed
trips to the library in the summer
excelsior
licks unlimited
mgmt

things i dont like:
growing up
having responsibility
being cold
not knowing how to respond to a text
WHEN PEOPLE DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU'RE
when people cant spell
when people dont use correct grammar because theyre stupid (as opposed to knowing it but choosing not to like i sometimes do)
when people dont use semicolons correctly
going to chemistry
the thought of going to chemistry
walking into the chem room
thinking about chemistry
teachers who think their word is law
anyone who thinks their word is law
people who deal in extremes
time
turkey bacon
fish (alive or as food)
forgetting things
losing things
breaking things
not seeing the end of movies
messing up the last note of a piano piece after you played it really well
people touching me unnecessarily
FISH
(i was thinking about fish again and realized how much i actually hate them so i decided to say it again)
eating too much and feeling like crap after
old country buffet
fake laughter
public displays of affection
hypocrites
the fact that i am a hypocrite
narrow minded people
zd;fuoahlaiseulaf
dfljkghas
dsfkjhasdg
dfgkhuadfg
I NEED TO WRITE THIS ESSAY OH MY GOSH.




im gonna go now.

disney songs

are awesome.

my dear, sweet child.
that's what i do! it's what i live for.
to help unfortunate merfolk...like yourself!
poor souls, with no one else to turn to!

i admit that in the past i've been a nasty. they weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch.
but you'll find that nowadays, i've mended all my ways, repented, seen the light, and made a switch.
two years!

and i fortunately know a little magic. it's a talent that i always have possessed.
and dear lady please don't laugh, i use it on behalf on the miserable, lonely, and depressed.
pathetic!

poor unfortunate souls!
in pain, in need.
this one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl, and do i help them? yes, indeed.

those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true.
they come flocking to my cauldron crying, "spells ursula, please!" and i help them.
yes i do!

now it's happened once or twice.
someone couldn't pay the price, and i'm afraid i've had to rake 'em cross the coals.
yes, i've had the odd complaint, but on the whole i've been a saint.
to those poor unfortunate souls.

now, here's the deal.
i will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days.
got that?
three days.
now listen, this is important:
before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear old princey to fall in love with you!
that is, he's got to kiss you.
and not just any kiss.
the kiss of true love!
if he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day,
you'll remain human permanently!
but if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid and....
you belong to me.

---no ariel!---

have we got a deal?

if i become human, i'll never be with my father or sisters again...

that's right. but, you'll have your man. life's full of tough choices, innit?!
oh! and there is one more thing.
we haven't discussed the subject of payment yet.
you can't get something from nothing you know.

but i don't have any-

i'm not asking much!
just a token, really, a trifle!
you'll never even miss it.
what i want from you is...
your voice.

my voice?

you've got it, sweetcakes.
no more talking, singing. zip.

but without my voice, how can i-

you have your looks!
your pretty face!
and don't underestimate the importance of...
BODY LANGUAGE!
HA!

the men up there don't like a lot of blabber.
they think a girl who gossips is a bore!
yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
and after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation.
true gentlemen avoid it when they can.
but they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn.
it's she who holds her tongue who get the man.

come on you poor unfortunate soul!
go ahead!
make your choice!
i'm a very busy woman and i haven't got all day.
it won't cost much!
just your voice!

ya poor unfortunate soul,
it's sad, but true.
if you want to cross a bridge my sweet, you've got to pay a toll.
take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and sign the scroll.
flotsam, jetsam, now i've got her boys,
the boss is on a rollllllllllllll!

this poor
unfortunate
sooooouuuuuuuuuuuuul!

paluga sebruga come winds of the caspian sea,
larayssus glossitis, etmax laryngitis, la vulche to meeee.

(idk i kinda made some of that up)

now, sing.

ahhh ah ah ah aasdfjal;sdkfj;laskdfjl lalalalalalalala
lalalalalalalalalala

keep singing!

ahahahaha mwahahahahaha aHAHAHAHAHA (evil laughter)

*ariel emerges from the ocean silhouetted against the sky*




that was all from my head. appreciate it.

ahahahahaha

i just realized that my first post of 2012 is 'why am i so lame' and its like the lamest post ever. wowwwww. now go read it.

why am i so lame.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i've kinda been having a mental pity party lately. i think people are getting annoyed with it. i would get annoyed with it if it were me, cuz i hate when people are downers and complain, which is hypocritical because i do that all the time, but just so you know, when i'm having one of my pity parties like right now, feel free to tell me to shut up and stop being a downer.

well, i did have something to write but i seem to have lost my train of thought.

oh, it's 2012 now. that's something to talk about. I've had this blog for something like 5 years. that's a long time. that's a lot of rambling that you guys have had to put up with. oh well. it's funny how different people used to go on here over the years, and now it's just meaghan and jennifer. which is good cuz i dont know if i even want other people going on here, cuz who knows what i'll say.

i've decided that maybe a year and a half of high school is long enough. maybe i should stop letting people think i'm normal and just be a crazy like i actually am. actually never mind that's a terrible idea. people will be like who are you and what have you done with raisa. i'll just continue letting them think i'm normal. maybe during the last semester of senior year i'll just go totally psycho. they'll look back and be like 'oh that raisa, i remember her, i think the stress just got to her, she went insane.' or not. is this what i do on this blog? just say random stuff that doesnt make sense? why do you guys put up with this?

asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmqwertyuiopojhdsjhdfghygtfdfgfgtkiytcdykugzdflguhadl

i cant think of anything to say.

i'm really excited to go to senegal, and i dont have any problem with being by myself for a month, but i feel like as soon as i get on the plane by myself im just gonna break down and be like NO WAIT I CAN'T DO IT. just watch. that'll happen. i mean now, looking towards it, i'll be fine. and a month will go by fast. but just watch, i'll all of a sudden miss my family terribly and chicken out and not be able to do it. that would suck so much, considering i've been planning on going on this trip for two years, and it's the whole reason i got a job.

elle me dit
ecrit un chanson contente
pas un chanson deprimante
un chanson que tous le monde aime

she told me
write a happy song
not a depressing song
a song that everyone likes.

wow that sounds a lot better in french than it does in english. it sounds stupid in english. that song is super annoying but it's so dang catchy.

time to eat my feelings.

just kidding i dont eat my feelings, i eat raspberry filled chocolate and twizzlers.

i am such a loser.

thats okay. im happy. who cares about other people.
wow that was a really selfish statement.
what i meant was who cares what other people think.

if i had a fridge in the basement i would actually never need to go upstairs.

luckily i have a crapload of candy and a bottle of water, which is basically food.

the internet is my friend.

okay this is an intervention. im interventioning (is that a word?) myself. this is too pathetic. imma go watch lost some more, since my sister is obviously never going to leave.

adios.

this is not finals week

so why does it feel like it? agh. One more day. I can do this. Just gotta get through first and second hour, and then band, then freaks and geeks, then doing nothing in math, then doing nothing in french, then doing nothing in sociology yayyy! Then science bowl, then work, then hopefully maybe possibly party, or else sitting at home by myself. But anyway, one more day til winter break, which is all that matters. Because I am unbelievably stressed, for a variety of reasons. Okay, well I have to go wrap presents. I'm excited for our band concert of january 17th. you should all go because it's gonna be the coolest thing ever. gotsta go now. aloha (it means hello and goodbye).

this is embarrassing.

I will not abandon this blog. I've just been busy lately. It's time for a post.

Well, I had something to say. It seems to have left me for some other blogger. I guess their post today will be awesome and mine will be lame as usual because my idea for a post chose them instead of me.

My hands still smell like apples. Is it socially acceptable to walk about sniffing your hand all day? I hope so. If not, too late.

MINNESOTA, THIS IS EMBARRASSING. WHERE IS THE SNOW?! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL SNOW ALL THE TIME AND COLD WEATHER AND WEIRD ACCENTS AND LUTEFISK?! SNOW, WHY HAVE YOU MELTED? COME BACK, COME BACK THIS INSTANT, OR I AM GOING TO ALASKA.

I have a piano lesson today and I haven't practiced all week. You'd think I'd be practicing right now, but no, I'm rambling about nothing to nobody. That's my life I guess.

Pep band on friday, again. Yay. Wait, is the blacklight dance this Friday? That means the whiteout is on Friday. I probably should have waited and worn my band jacket on Friday...hmmm....whatevs. I'll prolly just wear it again. I kinda don't want to go to this dance. It sounds like a grindfest, which is not my idea of a party. I wish people at our school were better. I wish they danced for real. Lame. Also I wish I had something interesting to say.

I'm hungry. I bought a new bra yesterday. Now I can match. You probably didn't need to know that. Jennifer already knew that. I wish they would've had red but I got stuck with purple which normally is a good thing but this time I really wanted red.

On Wednesday I was gonna go learn math because we have a test on Thursday but now I have to go to the choir rehearsal which is kinda lame. Oh well. I didn't want to learn math anyway. I'd rather go to the choir thing. It's just that now I'm probably going to fail the test. Must. Force. Self. To. Learn. Math. No matter. How. Painful.

Wow. I just typed a lot after that and finished the post, but then it didn't work and only saved up to there^^^^. Dang. Oh well.

I probably won't force myself to learn math, and then I'll fail the test. So I should do some more extracurriculars (actually I don't think that's possible, I already have something every single day. Except Thursday. Must find something for Thursday.) so that colleges don't realize that I'm a complete slacker. I don't even want to go to college. I've said this before. I'm sooooo lazyyyy I just have no motivation whatsoever at all I never want to do anything I just want to sit and do fun things.

I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat food and then probably play the piano. You're tired of reading this because it's boring and pointless. If you've read this far, include the word macaroni in your comment. Agh now I want macaroni. Adios.

christmas time is here

happiness and cheer
fun for all
something something
yay for the peanuts.

I love how awkward they are when they sing it. Oh, Charlie Brown. I love Charlie Brown.

I'm hungry; I kinda want lunch.

Something exciting might be happening this week...I'm excited. Asdfghjkl.

So anyway, Christmas time actually is here, which means snow and Christmas trees and music and hot chocolate and awesomeness.

Okay I have to go now. This was a fail of a post. You still have to comment. Bye.

hey.

Lyrics to the cave:
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
I love Mumford and Sons because their lyrics are really poetic and awesome. Same with The Airborne Toxic Event.

Also I listened to Florence + The Machine and it's awesome.

SNOW.
I wish Thanksgiving would hurry up and come so I can stop feeling guilty about being in the Christmas spirit. I want to bake and drink hot chocolate and go sledding and listen to Christmas music and go to the mall and buy presents for people and decorate the tree.

Are we having a Winter Formal? I've heard we are. I hope so. We should do a Secret Santa. Secret Santas are fun.

I'm supposed to be doing homework now. I have a lot to do. I haven't had any free time this weekend though, so I decided to have free time now and I'll do my homework later.

My hair is getting boring again, and less shiny, so I think I'm gonna cut it again and condition it so it's not so boringg. I want my ears to be pierced more. Like four more times. Asdfghjkl how old do you have to be to have them do it without a parent? 16? Hopefullyyy.

I think it's time to start my homework because I ran out of things to say. Well, I didn't run out of things to say, but I ran out of things to say that I want to put on here. Adios.

Bad

So I just realized that a person that I talked about more than once in previous posts actually knows about this blog, and even if they don't ever go on it, they still know about it, so they might go on it, which is bad, and also if they chose to go on it now, they would definitely know that I was talking about them, so wow, that's bad. Oh well.

Soooooo, what to talk about? Nothing really. So I realized we have a band concert next week. I totally forgot about it. I don't think my band is ready, honestly. Also, the marimba is broken. They might want to get started on that, cuz to fix it you have to take the whole thing apart. Fail.

asdfghjkl I was at Caribou for 4 hours today. I saw Sean there and apparently Mamun was there too but I didn't see him so for the rest of the day he's like wow I guess you just don't notice black people but I swear he wasn't there! I totally did not even see him. He must've left before I even saw Sean.

11-11-11. Made a wish. It was pretty general but anyway hopefully it comes true. Know what movie I wanna watch right now? The Notebook. That is an awesome movie.


So I probably should start at least thinking about where I want to go to college. I wanna go out of state even though it's more expensive because I'm gonna live in Minnesota my whole life and so I want to experience a different state for a little while. I was thinking Colorado, or South Carolina, but only because I like the state, because I haven't been to the colleges in either of those states so I have no idea what they're like. But I definitely don't want to go in or around Minnesota because going to North Dakota or Iowa or Wisconsin is pointless since it's basically the same as here. Except Iowa has more corn. Anyway. Imma go now. Bye.

gotta get down on friday

I have a question...what does 'get down' mean? Like, if I said, this Friday I'm gettin down...what would I be doing?

ANYWAY

This Friday (aka today) I'm not getting down (well maybe I am, since I'm not sure what that means), but going to the play. I really wish we did two musicals instead of a play because musicals are always fun no matter what and plays have the potential to be boring. Although I heard this play was good.

I want to sleep. You know when you like someone and it's weird? Yeah right now I like someone and it's weird omg.

I really like french fries; they are my favorite food.


Usually I just talk about whatever comes to my head/has been on my mind all day and APPARENTLY this is what has been on my mind all day. Lots of people were gone today because of choir which was cool cuz then our classes were all empty.

Guess what for AP gov apparently the juniors had a sub and it was Mr Ronchak except Maheen was at choir so Cassidy had to text her and tell her and then Maheen said I'm gonna die. Poor Maheen. Except then on the way to french I saw him and I like yelled HEY MR RONCHAK and then he saw me and smiled and waved. Also we had a fire drill today during second hour and also during second hour which is AP chem Mr Shipway did a backflip and it was awesome. Well anyway. I'm gonna go straighten my hair even though it's already straight because when I'm bored sometimes that's what I do. So bye.

procrastination [will be the death of me]

okay i'm supposed to be doing an ap chem lab right now but it's halloween and also i keep looking at it and i don't understand it and just just....my brain gets all fuzzy when i try to do it! i can't do it! i'm tired and tomorrow is november which is officially cold and wintery. i am now going to vent, in terms of person 1 and person 2. you can figure out for yourself who they are.

okay so i keep thinking i like person two and then when i'm like hanging out with person two then i do like him. but every time i see person one i get all...whateverish and plus i dont want to give up on liking him but person two is way more realistic and i like the idea of us as a couple but then sometimes im like nahh i dont really like you but then other times im like hmm maybe i do. and obviously nothings gonna happen with person one. but i just cant stop liking him. okay, i know how retarded i sound. cuz you're gonna be like do you know how retarded you sound and the answer is yes, yes i do know how retarded i sound. but i'll continue cuz i am conflicted. actually i dont really have anything else to say. plus i always was telling people that i didnt like person two and then now i do ish kinda and theyre gonna be like ooooh and i'm gonna be like shut yer mouth. but you have no idea how much i actually like person one. like seriously you have no idea. it's the worst thing in the world. it's like that 'the one that got away' thing, you know? like i dont want to stop liking him because then i'll be like what woulda happened....but at the same time its going nowhere and therefore i have to be more realistic. you know, dale liked me for like two and a half years. and he doesnt like me anymore and is perfectly happy dating other people. like, how did he do that? actually i know how he did that, it was because he knew for a fact that i didnt like him, which i dont know for a fact about person one which is the thing that keeps me stuck on him. plus its weird to like person two! like i'm like, whoa, i like him? like, what? that's so weird! but then i do. aghasdflkajsl;dfih;aligha;lksdhf;lakhsd;gilasdflhasdf.

okay i really have to do this lab. i keep going, okay i'm gonna do it now, but then i look at it and the page is all blank and ITS JUST TAUNTING ME. i have to do it by second hour tomorrow. when else am i gonna do it? no other time. so i have to do it now. but i cant. ohmygosh i seriously have issues. like read this frickin post. it's just all my problems. well, not all of them. but all of this post is me complaining about my problems. how sad. how utterly sad. oh well. that's basically what this is for. it's like a public diary where people can comment on my many problems and thoughts. yeah. nothing can go wrong with this idea. good thing barely anyone knows about this.

by the way i went to wills party and his parents are really nice. plus his house is nice wow i sound creepy but seriously all those victoria people have really nice houses and then everywhere else just looks like a frickin dump. actually my house is a dump anyway but i like it because it's a cozy dump. wow what the frick am i talking about. this is like my dbq for history...i wrote it in first hour last week and then i reread it today and i was like what am i talking about in this essay? i think i mighta been at least a third asleep if not half asleep. it's ten thirty and i still have to take a shower and then go to bed and most likely i will read before bed because i have so self control and i wont get to bed til like 12 and then i'll get up at like 6:45 tomorrow and want to die like usual. and tomorrows only tuesday. on the bright side, only 16 more school days until thanksgiving break. then after that is black friday, which i forgot about. my paycheck was only $108 this week. that's actually the lowest it's ever been besides the very first time but that's because i started in the middle of the pay period so it was only $102 but not a full two weeks. anyway. i need to sleep now or tomorrow will suck. actually it'll suck anyway. bye.







by the way, RIP Lily and James and Deathly Hallows Part 2 comes out in 11 days! I tweeted about lily james, but being a retard, i said 20 years when it was supposed to be thirty. fail.

Things You Can Do On Halloween

• go to a party
• go trick or treating
• eat
• egg peoples houses
• cause mischief
• TP peoples houses
• eat candy
• hand out candy
• get arrested
• eat
• dress up in a costume
• have a party
• have a bonfire
• go to a haunted house
• go to trail of terror
• eat food
• go to valleyscare
• eat
• bake cookies
• scare children on the street
• bully children on the street into giving you their candy
• watch scary movies
• tell scary stories
• eat
• bob for apples
• burn things
• sit in your bedroom by yourself
• get haunted
• save countless childrens' souls from being captured and used to make three witches from 1600s salem young again
• go to a graveyard
• roam the streets
• follow the firetruck around
• try not to get arrested
• stand around looking suspicious
• eat
• fork peoples yards
• creep in peoples windows
• smash pumpkins
• trade candy
• organize candy
• sort candy
• obtain candy
• eat
• be cold
• try to stay warm
• dance
• sing halloween songs (he did the monster mash) (he did the mash) (it was a graveyard smash) (he did the mash) (it caught on in a flash) (he did the mash) (he did the monster mash)
• read a scary book
• sleep
• eat

so as you can see (eat) there are many things (eat) to do on halloween, and one of them is eat (eat).

Increasing Frustration

I think it must be hormones or something, but lately my emotions have been like forty times stronger than normal. Like, I don't cry, right? No. I don't cry. It's just a fact of life. But lately I've cried at like everything. It's frickin weird man. And when I'm angry, I'm really, really angry. Also, things that I didn't used to care about or was able to handle set me off way more. Like stupid things make me cry and equally stupid things that most people can get over make me extremely angry. It's not that I'm more sensitive, because I can still handle things better than the average teenager, it's just that I tend to care about things way more than most people. Which I think for now is a good thing. Because people just don't even care about anything anymore. I care about a ton of stuff. Not school though. I honestly think that school is less of a priority than people make it. I mean I understand that it's important to your future and whatnot, but seriously, how important is it to the world that I do this math assignment or whatever? No, I'm better off enjoying life during the few moments when I can. I don't wanna look back and see that I wasted my teenage years with my nose to grindstone. There's no point in using an entire period of time just to prepare for another period of time (ie; college). That whole live in the moment thing? Everybody says they just loooove to live life to the fullest and blahdiblah, but how many of them are actually doing it? None. Yes, it is extremely important to be educated. I'm the first person to say that; I can't stand ignorance. But you also need to just do things. Just go out there and experience the world. I'm not gonna come home and spend every second of the afternoon doing chemistry homework and miss the sun and the leaves and the colors, because fall is my favorite season and enjoying it is a priority, whether other people think it should be or not. I mean, is that what life is about? Always working towards the next step? I work to get good grades so I can get into college so I can get a good job so I can provide for my family so they can be successful and then it's just a big chain. What comes in between? I'm not gonna be fifteen forever. I'll be eighteen before I know it and then I'll go to college and have responsibilities and life is just gonna get harder from here. I thoroughly enjoy being a teenager and I'm not gonna miss it. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that while school is really important, it's not important enough to get in the way of my enjoyment of this moment, right now. Okay?

Easy Like A Sunday Morning

Only this Sunday morning isn't so easy on account of my 'grandparents' are here and they're causing me lots of pain and discomfort. And I really want to take a shower but that means I'll take two showers in one day because I have to take one on Sunday night. Oh well.

Today I have to go to work which sucks, cuz yesterday I didn't go on account of I had terrible cramps. This weekend was supposed to be chill and I was going to rake leaves and whatnot. Stupid grandparents. I really don't want to go to work.

On the bright side, there's only three days of school this week! Which means no block. Cuz block suckss man. I'm so glad we don't have full block like they used to at Chaska. Honestly.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Sophie. Sophie was fourteen years old and lived by herself in an abandoned house in the woods in Idaho. She had run away from home when she was twelve, because her parents had left her as a child and she didn't much like moving from foster home to foster home. For the past two years she had been washing people's cars along the road in exchange for money, which she had used to buy food in the townt that was a mile from her house. She kept her house reasonably clean, taking great care to make sure that the outside still looked sufficiently run-down so that no one suspected that it was inhabited. Sophie didn't go to school, but upon starving herself for a week and a half had raised enough money to buy a decent used computer. She sat in the back of the SuperAmerica, using their free WiFi to become as educated as she could.
The only problem with Sophie's way of life was that she could never get too close to people. As it had been two years since she ran away, there were fewer people looking for her, but she still had to be on the watch for Social Service officers or policemen, even average citizens who might recognize her from the Missing Child posters that had plastered the greater part of Montana, the state from which she had come. Whenever asked, she told people that her name was Hanna, and that her car washing partner had temporarily left for the bathroom (they were, of course, washing cars to raise money for their school's small but growing horsebackriding team). Sophie occasionally met people in town that intrigued her, but she could never have more than polite conversation with them, lest they take interest in her history and attempt to investigate. She had to dye her hair frequently so as not to be recognized by the locals, as the town was quite small.
Her only companion was her cat. Named Shere Khan for his tiger-striped fur, Sophie spentt most of her time talking to him. If she hadn't had something living in which to confide, it is very likely that she'd have gone crazy, blown her cover, and been sent not to a foster home, but instead an asylum.


Okay yeah that was random. Well anyway. I should probably do my homework now or take a shower or something productive (which I probably won't end up doing).

whaddup

Alright I haven't really been on here much recently, but I've been busy okay?! With work and school and band and more school and other craziness. Okay? Plus also every time I get on the computer I'm distracted by twitter. Anyway, I'm here now, so relax. Okay. Things to talk about.

No braces. This is an enjoyable thing. I mean, retainers are annoying and stuff, but whatever, they're not tooth prisons that are impossible to escape from; you can take them out when you want. Getting my braces off has made me quite happy.

PanAm. So since stupid Ion Television aka the only decent channel I have, canceled Ghost Whisperer (which was kinda dumb anyway) and Without A Trace, and possibly Criminal Minds, I no longer had any good shows to watch. So I had to start a new show, one that's actually current and that I can follow week by week. So I chose PanAm, cuz it takes place in the 60s and around the world which is awesome cuz the 60s are the past which is cool. Anyway so far it's proving to be pretty good. Plus it's at 9 on Sundays, so I can watch it without having to worry about missing it for work. I also wanted to watch this show Once Upon A Time, but that's at 7 on Sundays so I'll most likely have to watch it online. But that looks really good cuz it's like fairytale ish, like it's like Enchanted only not so happy and annoying, more dark and awesome and whatnot.

Bonfire. So I've started telling people about my bonfire that I'm having, and I'm getting kinda excited about it. Cuz bonfires are fun, and so are people. I'm also excited for Halloween, which is soon.

I gotta go shop for a present for Ali, cuz his birthday's on Friday. Speaking of Friday, the Chan-Chaska game is on Friday, and I might perhaps be marching snare because Cassidy's getting surgery so she won't be able to so she told Mr Swanson that I could march in her place but I don't know if I am yet because he hasn't said anything, because it'll be quite difficult to learn the entire routine in two days. Especially since 1. I've never marched before and 2. The snares are fairly conspicuous.

Okay I gotta go eat food now which is good cuz I'm extremely hungry, so bye.

Youth In Revolt

My playlist of songs that make you proud to be a teenager:

1. MGMT- Kids
2. My Chemical Romance- Na Na Na
3. Metronomy- A Thing For Me
4. 30 Seconds To Mars- Kings and Queens
5. Mick Jagger- Primitive Cool
6. Fall Out Boy- I Don't Care
7. Sleigh Bells- Infinity Guitars
8. We The Kings- Check Yes Juliet
9.  Billy Boy On Poison- On My Way
10. MGMT- Boogie Down
11. Sleigh Bells- Crown on the Ground
12. Kid Cudi ft. MGMT- Pursuit of Happiness
13. Peter Bjorn & John- Young Folks
14. Arctic Monkeys- Flourescent Adolescent
15. Cash Cash- Forever Young
16. Boys Like Girls- The Great Escape
17. Panic! At the Disco- Let's Kill Tonight
18. Eatmewhileimhot!- Mother May I
19. Panic! At the Disco- Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
20. Meat Loaf- Paradise by the Dashboard Light
21. Panic! At the Disco- Nine in the Afternoon
22. Sleigh Bells- Rill Rill
23. Peter Bjorn & John- Nothing To Worry About
24. Panic! At the Disco- The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage
25. Fall Out Boy- Dance Dance
26. Sleigh Bells- Riot Rhythm
27. MGMT- We Care
28. My Chemical Romance- Teenagers

#Twitter and Homecoming

So, I couldn't give in to making a facebook because that's just..no. Just no. But I did make a twitter, and at first I didn't get it and I was bored with it so I ignored it for like two weeks, but today I actually went on it and kinda figured it out a little. That number sign thing? It's called a hashtag. Yeah I learned that. Anyway yeah there are some annoying people but I think I'm just gonna avoid them. I'll get the hang of it I think. I hope. Cuz right now I'm a supernewb. That's one word.

Okay, homecomingg. I'm excited, but so far homecoming week has been kind of pathetic. Like, comfy day, okay, yeah, whatever, and then movie star day, like what is that, no one's gonna dress up for that, and today was black out day, which is easy, and still people don't dress up for that, and tomorrow is neon and people will most likely refuse to participate which is dumb, and Friday is spirit day which is fun I guess. But the most pathetic thing was definitely the pep fest. I mean seriously, like I've always loved pep fests, ever since sixth grade when we had this awesome pep fest with Vikings cheerleaders and everybody was totally into it, and that's what got me into pep fests cuz they're just frickin awesome. Even last year was better than this. Nobody was even into it, the stuff they tried to do to entertain us was a joke, and the only thing people cared about was the dance team's striptease sorry I mean dance. I mean honestly yeah, the dance was good and it was entertaining and it was actually really cool when they did the shirt thing, but it's just funny cuz seriously it was a legit striptease, like, they took off their shirts (even though they had shirts underneath.) But anyway, yeah it was pretty pathetic. Now I'm excited for Friday and our band extravaganza that lasts from after school until 9:30 at night. It'll be fun. We better win the effing game seriously. It's time to win. It's getting ridiculous. And then the dance which will be fun also, I'm super excited to dress up and whatnot.

Oh I almost forgot, braces off tomorrow! I'm really excited but it's super scary cuz they just yank them off which is frightening. And apparently the polishing is a nasty feeling. But it'll be over soonish and then I'll be back to braces being for other people! Which is the way it's supposed to be. Anyway I gotta study for history now so bye.

I Really Love Fall and I'm Gonna Make Sure You Do Too

Reasons I love fall, with pictures to put you in the mood:

• cozy sweaters. for some reason this year i love sweaters ever so much more than before. it's like a blanket you can wear. what's not to love?

• bonfires. bonfires in the fall are ten times better than bonfires in the summer, because there's no mosquitoes, and you're cold, so you actually want to sit by the fire. or you can dance like these people.

• leaf piles!!! raking them up is definitely worth jumping into the giant pile that you've created.

• halloween. candy and costumes and being scared out of your pants. words can't describe how much i love it. also carving pumpkins. it's all just awesome. just, just awesome. i told you i can't describe it. plus, the halloween season comes jam-packed with halloween movies, and they can be scary like texas chainsaw massacre, or just awesome like hocus pocus.

<<<

• football games! which also means band, and just plain old fun.

 yes, this is our school.

• hot chocolate, apple pie, warm food.

• homecoming! which is in 6 dayss whatup.

 i i like the awkward girl in blue.

• apple orchards. possibly my favorite part.

here are some more pictures to make sure you get the message.

School and Whatnot.

1st hour: AP US History, which isn't overly hard, but it's annoying because there's lots of reading and he hasn't really taught us anything so far, we just get it from the reading. The teacher's alright, but I don't really know yet because he hasn't done much. On the bright side, he gave us links to summaries of the book so now I can just read those instead of ten pages of textbook.

2nd hour: AP Chemistry. So far we've done three chapters in four days, and it's about four months' worth of chemistry from last year, which makes it really hard to remember all the stuff. I think I'm gonna struggle with this class, but hopefully if I pay attention it'll be better, plus the teacher is much better at explaining things than uh..last year's teacher. He's really chill and funny which is good.

3rd hour: Band. Band is band, it's fun and obviously I like it. The one downside is that most of the sophomores are in Varsity Band, so I don't have as many people to talk to. Hopefully when we start playing actual music it'll be really cool though, because the biggest reason I wanted to be in Symphonic Winds is they play really cool songs.

4th hour: English. Well English is usually my favorite schooly subject and it is this year too, especially since we have Ms. Etnier, cuz she is definitely my kind of teacher. I'm excited for this year. I'm also extremely excited for this creeper assignment. I think Ms. Etnier thinks the same way I do because so far that's pretty much how it's been.

5th hour: Precalc. Okay well I frickin hate math, and this Mr. Ronchak guy apparently really likes it, which could be a problem. I already found it extremely hard to pay attention in math, and now that I sit by Jennifer Meaghan and Sara it's proving to be even harder. I think we need to tone it down otherwise he's gonna move us, although honestly I think no matter where we are in the room our class is gonna be noisy, especially since Cassidy and Maheen are like our junior counterparts.

6th hour: Francais. I don't know how it happened, but french is not the class that I look forward to the most in the day. I'll be thinking like, it's almost french! And get super excited. It's basically the same as last year, although Madame seems a lot nicer. Maybe it's cuz we're used to her now, or else people have been talking less. Idk. Either way, french has somehow become very fun.

7th hour: Sociology. Okay the subject of this class is really interesting, but a lot of the people just took it to fill their schedules I think, so they don't really take it seriously, and then I take it seriously and they're like what a loser. Well not really, they mostly take it seriously, but idk there's like Alexa and Elizabeth and I don't like having those people in my class because who knows what they'll do. Plus it's hard to take them seriously. Anyway the teacher's really serious and likes to go on about her troubled past or whatever, and she treats the sophomores like we're little children that can't handle subjects like rape and racism, even though that's basically been the last two years of English X right there. 8th grade's main thing was racism and 9th grade was rape. So I don't know what this woman's talking about. The best thing about the class is we can bring our backpacks.

Marching band: So I was right in thinking that I definitely should've done marching band last year, but whatever, we're past that. I'm kind of disappointed that I have to be in pit, but whatever, I play snare for other stuff so I can get over it. I'm excited for the games cuz they're fun but I wish I could sit in the bleachers with the rest of the band.

Homecoming: So as far as the outfit, I still just need shoes. And also we need to figure out a plan for where we're going. It's Louisse's 16th birthday on homecoming and she wants to go to Benihana's so I think that's what's gonna happen. As far as a date...I'm working on it. I dunno. I gotta figure something out. I don't really want to go alone but I don't knowwww. The part of homecoming that I'm most excited for is the pepfest. Yay pepfest! Plus we get to play in it which is exciting also.

Okay basically that's it, I mean it's pretty much the same as last year except this year I have way more homework meaning I actually have to do it. It's ridiculous how much homework I get. I haven't had any free time during the day since school started.

I Have Egg on My Face

Let me begin my saying that I have had two very thoughtful, interesting posts in mind for the past couple days, but I've been busy and/or lazy and therefore never got around to posting them. I was going to post at least one of them now, but I lost interest and decided to just post about school and general nothingness instead.

So let me explain why I have egg on my face. Since today is the last day of summer, and also the Day Before School Starts, I decided that today is going to be a 'spa day' so that I can relax and 'fix' myself before school tomorrow, because when you look good, you feel good, and so I want to look good. (This is true for everybody right? I hope it's not just me. Like when you know you look crappy, you end up feeling crappy, and when you know you look good you feel good? It must be because I have issues with self-conciousness. I'm really, really self concious and so if I know that something about me doesn't look good then I'll keep messing with it and try to get it to look good and I'm really self concious, so by extension when all of me looks bad, all of me feels bad because I can't be myself because I'm too busy being self-concious. That's why I'm always playing with my hair. This happens to you, right?) Anyway, so it's a spa day, and I decided to look up homemade face masks on the internet. There were a lot of good ones, but I didn't have most of the ingredients, so I settled for one with egg yolks, lemon juice, and olive oil that is supposed to moisturize your skin, because for some reason my face has been very, very dry for the past few days even though it's usually never dry. Anyway, so I put it on, and you're supposed to leave it on for ten minutes, and I'm trying to forget about it because every time I think about the fact that I have a mashed up chicken embryo spread across my face, I gag a little. Except now it's dried and I can't move my face. This is interesting. I think it's been ten minutes, so lemme go wash it off...

Well, my skin is definitely less dry. It's a weird sensation having your whole face be stiff and then washing it off and having it slowly melt back to a flexible state. On the bright side, it worked. My skin was super dry and flaky and disgustingly nasty yesterday and I was like, what's going on, and now it's not like that. Except the corners of my mouth; for some reason they're super dry and also red so it looks like I smeared lipstick all over. I have to keep putting lotion there, which is difficult because it's so near to my mouth that I have to be careful not to eat it.

The one damper on what is supposed to be my refreshing, relaxing Day Before School Starts is that I have to work tonight, which will put a temporary stop to all my spa efforts. I still need to paint my fingers and toes. I can't decide on a color, but I think I'm gonna do that minty green color that I bought and still haven't used. I was going to save it for homecoming, but now I don't think it's going to look good with the dress. Which reminds me...

So yesterday I finally went shopping for a homecoming dress at MOA, which involved me driving to Bloomington, which was...a bit of an adventure. I mean, the actual driving was fine, I was on 494 and going 60/65 miles an hour and everything was totally fine, but then when I tried to park..that was the problem. So we were in the parking ramp, and  it was really really crowded, being the Mall of America and all, and I finally found a whole row of parking spots that were empty, and I was trying to park, but I didn't have a lot of space behind me because there were cars. Keep in mind that usually I can park just fine, okay? So my mom told me to get out so she could park, so I got out, but I didn't put the car in park because I thought she was going to get right in. So then after I got out it started rolling toward the wall ahead, and so I quick jumped in, but I wasn't all the way in, and hit what I thought was the brake. Unfortunately, it was the accelerator, and so the car zoomed forward (it was only two feet away from the wall though, so it wasn't like a huge distance) and smacked into the wall. I was surprised cuz my mom didn't really get mad, she just got into the car and parked it and then we examined the damage, and there wasn't any. So it was all good.

So this year when looking for a dress I basically did the exact same thing as last year, only minus the Ridgedale. I went to MOA thinking that since it was the biggest mall and had the most stores, I would definitely find a dress there. I even went through the same store pattern. First Macy's, which upon first skimming seemed to have a small selection of acceptable dresses, then Nordstrom, then other random stores in the mall that either my mom or I half-heartedly suggested in attempts to not make the trip a complete waste, and finally back to Macy's to scour the rack more thoroughly and less critically (as in the beginning I came with a very specific type and color dress in mind, and upon not finding had to broaden my horizons to include anything that I liked and fit and looked good on me.) However, I finally settled on two dresses at Macy's, which was a change from last year. One was a tank dress with a v-neck and v-back, with a subtle snakeskin design and covered in tiny gold and bronze sequins. The other was strapless and ballerina pink with pretty creases and folds at the bottom. I liked the first one much better, but it was both tighter and more expensive than the pink one, and so my mother decided against it. The pink one, for me, was a last resort, as I really, really didn't want to have to come shopping again next weekend and end up being really rushed. I liked it, but there were certain things about it that I didn't like, and despite what my mom and Lydia said to the contrary, I really didn't think it looked that good on me. Nevertheless, I bought it, and  with all the discounts we had at Macy's it ended up being $15, as opposed to the $69 that the other one was. We went to Von Maur on the way home just to see if there was anything better, and sure enough there was a dress that I really liked there. It's strapless and covered in larger sequins than the other dress was, and they're silver and gold and the dress isn't as tight and just generally looks better on me than the one I wanted at Macy's. I tried it on a bought it, and it was funny because my mom didn't want to buy the other dress for $69, but she bought this one and it ended up being $68. Interesting. Anyway the funny thing is is that both this year and last year, I went to MOA with big plans for getting a dress there, only to eventually end up getting the dress right here at EP. After getting the dress we decided to just look really quick at Payless, because it was there, and I found one pair of gold pumps that matched the dress well, but had six-inch heels. Six inches. I didn't really have a problem with that fact, until I realized that if I did manage to get a date, he would have to be extremely tall or else I would look like a giant next to him. So I decided against the shoes. I found another pair of gold shoes that were absolutely perfect for the dress, this time with straps and a much shorter four-inch heel, but my mom decided they were too expensive and that was the end of that; there wasn't much time for argument because I had to go to work. So I just need shoes and also a clutch and I should be set to go. The good thing about having the insanely sparkly dress is that I don't really need any jewelry unless I want to blind anyone within fifty feet of me.

Well, I'm off to paint my nails now, and watch some television before my day of relaxation gets interrupted by work. I'm super excited for school. Just think. In 24 hours we'll be at a barbecue with everyone from school. Isn't that exciting? It's exciting.

2012: It's Coming

I used to think the idea of the world ending in 2012 was ridiculous. I mean, seriously, the Mayan calendar ends which means we're all going to die? Yeah, okay, whatever you say Crazy. But now, I see it differently. The Mayans were obviously some sort of super-advanced voodoo alien tribe that came from another planet, foresaw the end of our planet, made a civilization here with extremely advanced pyramids and rituals, and then left well before anything disastrous could happen. That is obviously the truth; I don't know how I could have missed it before.
And since they're a super-advanced voodoo alien tribe from another planet and are right about the world ending, that mean's we've got less than a year and four months until civilization as we know it comes to an end. So be prepared, people. I don't know if it'll be a zombie apocalypse, but it wouldn't hurt to have weapons handy anyway. Might as well have them in case the dinosuars or some mutant alien beasts come a-knocking, or something similar and equally dangerous. Also, have a deep subterranean cellar installed, and reinforce your house with steel and titanium. Oh, and you might want to add lead to that list as well, in case there's some nuclear mishap along with the general chaos and mayhem. A boat might also be useful in case of a flood, although I don't think a flood is likely because God specifically said he wouldn't pull that one again. Finally, don't forget the most important and most basic items: food, emergency water, first aid, etc. Think through each step of the armageddon and prepare yourself accordingly. Will you need a tent? A flashlight? The power is apt to go out with all the madness and no one around to keep it running. Also, if you're not a fan of living rough, I'd think about a very large supply of toilet paper. You can never be too prepared, and remember, we don't know what's gonna happen, so think of everything.
Now, if for some reason you don't believe in the coming armageddon, it shouldn't be too hard to convince you. I mean, it's already started. You want a list of all the major disasters, natural and otherwise, that have happened in the past few years and are still happening now? Here you go (it's not in exact order):

• the tsunami in Thailand
• the earthquake in Haiti and the one in Chile a week later
• the flooding in Australia
• the earthquake in New Zealand
• the earthquake and tsunami in Japan
• the tornadoes in the South
• the rebellions in the Middle East
• Hurricane Irene
• the earthquake on the East Coast- keep in mind that the east coast doesn't usually get earthquakes
• lots and lots of other, smaller disasters over the past few years

SO. If that's not enough to convince you, then you can just stay unprepared until December 21st, 2012, and end up dying just like the rest of the world.

Thirteen Days of Freedom Remain

Put another X on the calendar, summer's on its deathbed. There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends.

And in this case, it ends in school, so I'd say that's a fair statement. That's a song, by Panic! At the Disco, and that part's been in my head for the past few days and most likely will be in it for the next two weeks. I mean, I'm excited for school, very excited, especially with all the schooly things that have been going on that add to the excitment. I'm just not excited for my classes. Two AP classes and English X and Precalc. If you say Precalc it doesn't sound as scary, but I shiver with nervousness if I say Precalculus with Trigonometry. It had better be like Geometry and not Algebra. I honestly don't know how I've passed two Algebra classes. I don't remember any of it.

So, orientation was today, and my locker is in the middle of everything, which is quite annoying. Also I have a meeting with the counselor tomorrow because I have to figure out what the deal is with gym; right now there's just an empty spot in my schedule. Then I have to finish my English homework, which luckily I have made considerable progress on and shouldn't be that hard to complete, buy new shoes, and buy a backpack, and I should be ready for school. I got my picture taken even though I'm gonna get retakes because of my braces, and I realize now that that picture is going to go on my student ID, so it's a good thing I actually attempted to look semi decent and didn't wear the ponytail and crappy tshirt that I originally planned to wear.

Okay so band has begun, and it's fun, but I have a lot to do with band, work, and my homework, and I end up with pretty much zero freetime. I finished my outline for English yesterday and decided that today is a break day so that's why I'm not currently doing homework. So much to do. I need my frickin planner so I can write it all down, but noooo, there's no August, so the planner is useless. USELESS. Anyway, adios.

BAND JOY

Band, band, band, band, band, bandddd, yay bandddd. That's a song. It expresses my excitement that band is starting very soon, and also my complete and utter JOY that I have actually managed to convince ANOTHER MEMBER to join. I never actually thought it would happen. I am so greatly excited. And I better be in the drumline. I think I will. I mean, the only other people that play snare that are above me in both age and skill level are Cassidy, Jessica, and Blake. Dan (Peterjohn) plays quads and those are the only other percussionists in Symphonic Winds. He said four or six drummers. There are three above, and the only person I can think of that would replace me is Stephanie Callaghan, and she wasn't in band last year so that's an automatic Varsity Band. I mean she played for the parade but that's only because Blake wasn't there, and I played for the parade too so I don't see why I wouldn't be in the drumline. I think I will. I hope I will. Because I most definitely don't want to play bass drum, and I most definitely definitely don't want to be in pit, and quads would be fun but I'm obviously not going to play those. Oh gosh. I just realized that I will be missing a fair amount of band for work. So what if I miss a lot and then I don't know the routine and he makes me be in pit? Actually no I don't think there will be a routine for the September 2nd game, so it's all good. I won't miss the morning practices, so I'll know the important routines. I can't see myself playing anything other than snare, cuz I mean that's what I do. Although this year in regular band it's gonna be different because Jessica Anderson is a really really good drummer and she will in most cases be playing snare instead of me. I'll probably be stuck playing mallets. Which in most cases is not terrible. But still. Oh well. My time will come. Anyway. Spat camp on Monday! Yay!